Work Lunch Critique: Nissin Chow Mein
Don't let us down, Eddie.
The finest office palettes have formed a panel to make you a more informed work lunch consumer. Trust us, we know the price of lunch adds up. Who doesn’t want an $11 chopped salad every day? Sometimes that frozen lasagna you spot on sale during your Sunday grocery shopping will work perfectly for Wednesday’s lunch hour (or half hour…or 15 minutes).
But we’re asking you to shop and eat an informed sheep. Some of those frozen and freeze dried foods can be funky. We’re falling on the proverbial sword for you. You’re welcome
Nissin Chow Mein
We’ve seen the commercials, and we were intrigued enough by Eddie from accounting to go ahead and kick this series off with a taste test of Nissin Chow Mein.
Decent ad, we suppose. But does the “scientific” process of microwaving equate to big taste in a $1.19 box?
We gave it a go. Although the Nissin website boasts several flavors (Orange Chicken, Kung Pao Chicken, Spicy Chicken, Teriyaki Beef, Teriyaki Chicken, Chicken, Thai Peanut, Chinese Chicken Vegetable and Shrimp), we were limited in our selection to just Teriyaki Beef, Chicken and Thai Peanut.
Von Kaiser
I really wanted to like this. Conceptually, it was brilliant. Although Eddie from accounting scared me some, I went in with a Zen-like frame of mind. The smell of the sauce at the end of the cooking was about as funky as the “chicken” looked, but I pressed on. After eating, I wasn’t terribly disappointed in taste. I was actually left wanting more. But not so much because of flavor, but because there wasn’t enough to fill a hoss like me up.
But it all came crashing down the next day when I got what I’ll call “Eddie’s Revenge.” I’ll just say everyone in my accounting department should be glad their name isn’t Eddie…
Reply All
Considering it took me two lunch breaks to test these noodles, I’m now an expert when it comes to Eddie’s gourmet “ramen.” When I read directions I expect them to be clear and concise. In my opinion, Nissin’s instruction writer needs a tutorial in English. When they refer to the premium ingredients package, it leads me to believe that the two packets should be added before microwaving. Not the case. The oil packet is to be added after you cook the noddles. Well, maybe I jumped the gun on the pluralism but the difference between my day one noodles and day two noodles was nothing.
Am I an idiot? I'll let the internet decide.
Enough about user error, let’s get to the details. The noodles are best paired with a roll of tums. After you finish, it feels like a game of tug-of-war between stomach pains and an empty stomach.
More on the trickery: The box image looks amazing. In reality, you are left with some ramen sprinkled with dried scallions. For a work lunch, this is a far cry from zen.
If Eddie was working in New York, the commercial would end with a “Go f*ck yourself.”
McFly
When you spend just above $1 on lunch, your expectations are just above “edible.” The price point is almost exactly what I’d pay for a mediocre microwavable noodle dish, and that’s exactly what I received.
I had a packet of ingredients labeled “veggies.” Laugh. It amounted to about 5 dried up green onion slices, and a mystery powder.
Overall, the meal itself tastes a fair bit better than it looks, much like anything from Taco Bell. I’d buy it again in a jam, or if Wendy’s discontinues it’s dollar menu.
Patrick Willard
I think Eddie from accounting must have worked for Arthur Anderson because he pulled the wool over my eyes when it came to this Chow Mein dish. His clever ads, great taste, and low price convinced me I might have found a diamond in the rough.
Little did I know that the real results of this taste test were coming 6 hours later when I almost crapped my pants on the train ride home. I should have known treachery was afoot when I mistook the dehydrated chicken for pine nuts and the sauce packet smelled like grim death. After these warnings I have only myself to blame.
Long story short; only eat this if you have some pants you want to ruin.
The Grade
Grading is on a 1 to 5 scale, with a 5 being the highest possible score.
| Taste | Value | Smell | Fulfullment | Overall | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Von Kaiser | 3 | 5 | 2 | 2 | 2 |
| Reply All | 2 | 4 | 2 | 1 | 2 |
| McFly | 1 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 2 |
| Patrick Willard | 4 | 2 (due to poop) | 2 | 2 | 2 |
| Overall | 2.5 | 3.75 | 2.25 | 2 | 2 |
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I’m curious about the nutritional value. I’m going to guess it’s about equal to a pack of Twizzlers. Or worse, if you take into account the nutrients lost during “Eddie’s Revenge.”
Maybe we should clarify that “Value” in the table refers to the cost, as opposed to nutritional value (even though both are very low).
[...] end Chinese, but it was good for a frozen dinner. Also, this meal was a lot less poopy than the Nissin Chow Mein lunch, so that was an obvious plus. If you can find this on sale and you have more than one microwave, [...]
I’ve been testing the different flavors of these nissin chow mien recently, so far I’ve had pad Thai peanut, shrimp, and chicken. pad Thai was the only one i had a complaint with, it was too spicy. the chicken was mediocre, as expected for a buck. and the shrimp one was surprisingly delightful. the shrimp ACTUALLY tasted like shrimp and it really caught me off guard. flavor is about the same for chicken and shrimp. pad Thai was just hot and gross.