Each week, there seems to be one event that happens when I least expect it, immediately providing me with enough material to whine about. Yesterday it happened to be my bathroom encounter.

The worst part about office bathrooms is the fact that you can’t avoid them. Sure, we can blame Starbucks and our body’s response to dehydration, but at the end of the day you are still going to drink coffee and/or water (depending on the frugality of your company), sending you to arguably the most awkward area of the office.

Rest areas, the dirty public restroom at New York’s Penn Station, and even the dreaded trough found in most sporting arenas (ladies, be very thankful) cause much less problems than the office bathroom.

Now, rest assured, I’m not here to review the gross things that happen in the bathroom. Not necessary. This week’s Wednesday Whine Session is simply bringing light to an issue relating to bathroom etiquette. It should also be noted that this article refers only to the dynamics of the men’s bathroom. Any women reading this, feel free to chime in, but I have absolutely no idea what battles are fought 10 feet south from my bathroom.

It was around 11 a.m. that I decided to relieve myself before heading out to lunch. The bathroom at work is highly congested and obviously planned by an idiot. There are three urinals in the middle of the bathroom with two sinks directly behind them, providing say a 3-to-4-foot gap between the two (not enough to get around someone using the urinal). If a person uses the first urinal when they enter, it basically blocks anyone from getting to the middle or third urinal. If you are using the third urinal and someone decides to take the middle spot, you can’t access either sinks. Sounds complicated? It is — trust me.

I entered the empty bathroom and obviously chose the third urinal so any newcomers would not have to wait for me to move to get by. Unfortunately, the next newcomer decided to take the middle urinal which is a major bathroom no-no. It breaks the No. 1 sacred urinal rule for all men (based on a row of 3):

- The first man shall take the left or right urinal upon entry of the restroom, never the middle.
- The second man shall never take the middle urinal when the left or right urinal is in use.
- The third man shall use a stall.

It was the longest 10 seconds of my life, standing there waiting to use the sink. Ignorance is bliss, I guess. There’s no way he understands the level of creepiness he brought to the bathroom. After this incident, I’m hard pressed not to retire from the urinal and start being one of those “exclusive stall” guys. In fact, it may start today.

Have a similar story? I’d like to know I’m not the only person with a crammed, uncomfortable office bathroom.

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   Wednesday Whine Session: Nail Hygiene in the Office

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