With the weather being perfect over the weekend, we here at The Collared Sheep decided to do some spring cleaning for the business. After bouncing around town all morning, we settled on a company lunch at Cosi.

Whoops.

Here are three reasons to avoid Cosi on your next lunch break:

1. 1

   Speed

   I’m no linguist, but I’d bet Cosi actually means slow as shit. Never have I seen such a production to make a 2-inch thick sandwich.

   This was my first trip to Cosi, but I was able to thoroughly analyze everything on the menu with the given time I had before someone helped me. This is a Saturday, mind you. I can’t imagine during lunch.

   I was leaning towards the Cosi Cobb salad, but the life-sized Italian roast beef sandwich on the promotional poster sold me. This was a mistake. After watching my sandwich sit on the end of the toaster conveyor for a few minutes, they wrapped it up and neglected to ask if I wanted toppings. At this point, I had waited so long I just accepted my fate.

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   2

   The chips

   I was delighted to find out I would be receiving some chips with my lack of sandwich. I actually opened the bag while waiting (see reason 1). I was done with the bag before I received my sandwich. I think they should considering saying “Your sandwich comes with chip.” Throwing in the plural is pushing it. I noticed after I could have opted for a bag containing maybe six baby carrots.

   

   We felt like we were reaching into the couch for change to get our chip(s).

   When we took a seat outside, McFly opened his bag and the result was the same. It was then we noticed the 1 oz. on the packing was a very literal statement. I decided to look up what else weighs one ounce:

   - About 60 Tic-Tacs
   -6 1/4 sheets of paper
   -9 pennies
   -Standard plastic spork
   -An egg white

   Would it really hurt to add a few more chips and call it 1.5 ounces? And perhaps some flavor variety besides regular and cracked pepper?

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   3

   The price

   I tacked on a bottle of water to the “meal” and was appalled to find out it cost $10.14. With that much money I could get two feet of sub from Subway. I could get enough McDonalds cheeseburgers to throw up. I could get about 10 items off the strangely priced Arby’s menu. I could snag a Sammie, Torpedo AND cup of soup from Quiznos. I could probably even get a burrito and beer from Chipotle for that price.

   I know what you’re thinking: But Cosi is better for you! or But Cosi tastes so much better!

   Does it, though? The roast beef on my sandwich was rather shoddy. The garlic butter was pretty tasty, but I think that eliminates it from the “better for you” category. Narrow down sandwiches below 500 calories at Cosi and I bet you’re dealing with maybe five sandwiches. Maybe.

If Mr. Cosi is reading this, I’ll never visit your establishment again. You’re lucky to get linked from us at this point. If you want to win us back, I’ll consider it. E-mail me and we’ll talk.