Corporate Cuts: Please Spare the Bathrooms
I understand the need for corporate to trim the fat. In the two years I've been with my company, we've gone from being a husky male to emaciated. There's no more personnel to cut, so corporate is trying to become more creative. But last month they went further than thought possible and I learned a few things along the way. There was no formal announcement, but I quickly noticed there was a change. The bathroom started to smell like a truck stop. [caption id="attachment_1210" align="aligncenter" width="550" caption="It wasn't until the cleaning stopped that I started to miss the smell of urinal cakes."][/caption] I went to ...
4 Reasons I Wish Rick Ross Ran Security at Work
Each morning when I walk into work, I'm greeted by a half-there security guard. I often wonder "If shit really went down, could Shaun really have my back?" I'm guessing no. But I'm not too concerned by it. My building doesn't contain the secrets that Cyberdyne Systems Corporations does in The Terminator series. But I say if my company is going to pay for security, it should step its game up. Here at Sheep Headquarters, we threw around some key names when considering who'd we want: Kimbo Slice, Chuck Norris, Tim Tebow, Bruce Lee's corpse, Mickey Rourke. But we decided on Rick Ross. ...
Sheep Submission: Tales From the Mailroom
Selena Coppock Location: Brooklyn, NY Job: Editor, comedian Web site: www.selenacoppock.com Selena Coppock is a standup and sketch comedian, writer, and lover of 80s power ballads. She has been featured in the Boston Comedy Festival, was named the Best of the East in the Detroit Comedy Festival, and has been seen on FOX and ComedySmack.com. For three summers during high school and college I worked in the mailroom of a Boston law firm. The name of this firm is irrelevant (cough*rhymes with Moley Moag and Melliot* cough) because these stories really could have taken place in any mailroom, at any law firm, in ...
5 Arnold Schwarzenegger Roles That Teach Us About Life
By Addison Rodriguez Sheep Submission [caption id="attachment_4430" align="alignright" width="270" caption=""What?! It matches the couch!""][/caption] The latest and most serious hurdle to date in moving in with my girlfriend has been the inclusion of a 4x6-foot mural in our soon-to-be swank DC apartment. According to her, a larger-than-life portrait of John Matrix with a machine gun has no place in our living room. I beg to differ. Arnold Schwarzenegger’s resume reads as one big 63-year tally of kicking ass. He was Mr. Olympia seven times, and in the process made it socially acceptable for men to look at pictures of half naked men lifting weights. ...
The Anti-Affirmative Action All Star Team
A look at those people of note who have said some things that wouldn't really work in an Equal Opportunity Workplace. Don't make us go and talk with HR,...
Weekly Meetings Require a Weekly Email Reminder?
When you establish a meeting that is held on the same day, same time, and same place every week, you would expect the "rallying" portion of the job to eventually go away. I was wrong....
Help Us Win $10,000 of Marketing Swag
It’s crazy to think we started this little cubicle community only in January. We’ve grown faster than we could have imagined and we’ve had a lot of fun doing it. Almost all of our growth...
Ultimate “Late” Excuse: 9-Day, 62-Mile Chinese Traffic Jam
Despite all the roaming lunatics and anticipated New York City subway delays, I must admit to having few complaints about my commute to work. Due to my odd hours, I skip the insanity that is...
Office Haiku: Late
Comedian David Cope, whose worked his fair share of day jobs, pens more of his finest Japanese poetry for 8/23/10's office...
Vote for August’s Lunch Break Contest – The Funniest Office Kitchen Note
This month we asked our readers to submit an image of their funny work place kitchen notes – you know, “Eat my cookies and die” notes. We’ve narrowed the submissions down to 3 finalists, but...
$25,000 Cash Stolen From Safe/Underneath Driver’s Seat
There’s very little in the world like a pay day. The pockets always feel a little heavier when we head out for a night on the town after getting a nice cash deposit, right? I’m...
Back to Work Fashion and Some Fall Finds
August does this creepy thing where it turns into Autumn, it’s total bullshit. Yes, the summer is loosening the grip that is non-existent for most adults in the workplace, because unless you’re a teacher or...
50,000 Bees Trap Cop in Patrol Car
Cops have tough occupations. Fighting crime, thwarting thieves' plans, enforcing highway speeds...it's something new everyday. They are prepared for almost any...
Analysis of a Subway Commute
What’s the difference between sheep herding, a sardine can, and a Monday evening commute on Manhattan’s 6-train? I’ll let you decide. Happy...
The Utility Cart is Missing!
An anonymous sheep sends in their annoying office email, and we send back our condolences. For the record, this cart is nearly 5 feet tall. That’s like losing a teenager. Well played,...
My Computer Login Password
In April, we posted a link to the 500 worst passwords a person could use to login for their company computer. Apparently I have very short memory. The other day I was asked to change...
Office Haiku: Coffee to Tea
Comedian David Cope, whose worked his fair share of day jobs, pens more of his finest Japanese poetry for August 17th's office...
