I gotta be honest, peeps, because it’s in my blood, and also because it kind of titillates me to make people squirm – it’s hard for me to think about something as trivial as fashion with the BP nightmare taking place in the gulf.

Therefore, I’ve decided to pair up today’s Functional Friday with the oil crisis, in:

5 HOT WAYS TO “WEAR OIL” THIS SUMMER

1. Corporate swag

Casual Fridays are a great day to “bring out the oil in each of us”. How about a nice BP or Citgo shirt to match those khakis? Thanks to the most massive oil spill yet, those tee shirts are going to be ironic in the time it takes you to shirk your responsibilities to go smoke a cigarette, so ya better get over to the thrift store and get yours before they’ve all been snapped up by the trust fund set on a slum run.

2. Orange (jumpsuits) is the “in” color

With all the BP executives that should be tried and prosecuted for this mess, those who wear a nice business suit to work, may be sporting a different kind of suit. In the 90s, orange jail jumpsuits got some acclaim thanks to the all the hip hop rap-ists (not to be confused with rapists) featuring them in the music videos on the television set. I happen to have a very fancy and expensive satin orange jail jumpsuit, which sold at Bergdorf Goodman for hundreds of dollars (mine was a gift from the designer), proving that even the classy uptown ladies were affected by the trend. Let’s bring it back – wear your orange jumpsuits to work to represent the suckas who bitch slapped the ocean! Jeah, uhhh tick tock and ya don’t stop.

3. Accessorize!

Ya know, there’s more to an outfit than just clothing. Accessories are all the rage these days and can really bring an outfit together. How about spiffing up your mane with a little oil rig barrette or an adorable set of oil tanker cuff links to show your office mates that you know how business gets done. Visit the BP gift store for more ideas.

4. Get that oily shine you’ve been looking for

If that slick hits the coast, many of us may be emerging from the water at the office beach party covered in goo. Is that Bob from accounts payable or a seagull? I can’t tell! Well, fear not. Black gold attracts the sun, and therefore, you’ll tan in no time with the help of BP. Just ask that tasty brunette in receiving to rub it in for you. And don’t forget to send a post card of thanks to the folks who helped to make you a bronzed summer god or goddess.

5. Just do you

Finally, do nothing. Just sit back and continue to live your life, as is. DID YOU KNOW? Not just your Honda carpool, but your lights, your laptop, hell, even your iPod and your electric tooth brush are run by – that’s right! – the antiquated system of converting oil into energy. By merely listening to ‘Of Montreal’, you’ve got oil on your hands, and hence we’re ALL “wearing oil”. Congrats! And WHO SAYS you don’t keep up with the trends?

Related Posts

1. 
   
   Functional Friday: Step Up Your Work Fashion
2. 
   
   After Scoping Fashion Week, Fashion Tips For You
3. 
   
   Create Your Own Work Fashion (If It Won’t Get You Fired)

---