Good Boss / Bad Boss: Charlie Sheen
Despite the seemingly insurmountable catastrophe in Japan, experts are saying the earthquake-tsunami will ultimately improve Japan’s economy.
This has me thinking.
Could a pop-culture disaster have the same effect for a company? Could human train wreck, Charlie Sheen, be your boss?
Let’s find out in the first edition of GOOD BOSS / BAD BOSS
Good Boss Qualities
1. He’s a warlock.
Or at least he thinks he is. And that suggests confidence. A confident boss believes in his company. A confident boss will take chances, knowing that all of his efforts will ultimately lead to total world domination. Voldemort, eat your heart out.
2. He’s a wild card.
Every company needs dash of surprise to keep up the momentum. Sheen’s unpredictability means he might appear behind you when you least expect it. While this might be scary, it’ll keep you on task 24/7. He’ll hate your ideas one day, and die for them the next day. This offers the chance to actually give life to your crazy ideas. Charlie will definitely bring something new to the table every day, you just have to be prepared.
3. He’s got money.
Money can help ensure a company’s success. And this guy is loaded. I mean, the dude demanded three million dollars PER EPISODE of that god-awful sitcom. His fortune means that he’s used to the finer things in life. He knows what he wants, and he’ll find a way to make it happen. “No” is not in his vocabulary, and that makes him a winner.
4. He profits from his mistakes.
When your typical, everyday boss screws up, it costs the company. When Charlie Sheen screws up, he makes bank. We’re talking sold out tours, viral videos, and requests to act in top-notch television productions.
Life may be handing him lemon after lemon, but he is making A TON of lemonade. More lemonade than you could drink in a lifetime.
5. He has some talent.
Talent and creativity allow you to use different approaches to solve problems They help you to adapt to change. Ok, so, his role in Two and a Half Men didn’t require a huge amount of talent. His character’s name was, in fact, Charlie, so I doubt it took much effort for him to get into character. But be that as it may, he is a rather prolific actor and has dabbled in a variety of genres. I hate to admit it, but the man’s got talent (Remember Ferris Bueller’s Day Off? He stole the scene.).
Bad Boss Qualities
1. He’s usually not level-headed.
Let’s face it, more often than not, Charlie is in a coked-out, manic state-of-mind. He will most definitely make some very poor decisions, and while he can profit from some mistakes, others will still damage the company name. On a bad day, he could fire the entire staff and replace it with little people dressed as Oompa Loompas. He’d rename the company “Charlie’s Torpedo of Truth Factory”- just to give you an idea.
2. He has poor spending habits.
Since he is used to the finer things in life, he may end up spending money irresponsibly. We’re talking hookers, cocaine, and gold-plated toilet seats. The toilet seats will be quite the office perk, but pretty soon you’ll start noticing smaller paychecks. Smaller paychecks may mean more layoffs. More layoffs may mean an end to Charlie’s Torpedo of Truth Factory.
3. He is bad PR.
Unfortunately, Charlie Sheen is a PR nightmare. So much so that his publicist recently quit, though Sheen maintains that he was fired. If the drugs and violent outbursts weren’t bad enough, he’s been known to get support from the great American role models, Mel Gibson and Sean Penn. Your company will need to hire an entire team of public relations specialists to cover Sheen’s ass.
4. He has trouble with relationships.
Charlie Sheen’s three marriages ended quite badly. You might remember his arrest back in 2009 for supposedly assaulting Brooke Mueller with a knife. You might not remember that he “accidentally” shot his ex-fiancée, Kelly Preston, back in 1990 (Why does no one ever talk about this?). Point is, Sheen isn’t exactly a people person. His relationships with clients and employees will be very strained.
5. He loves winning too much.
Sure, winning is great. Who doesn’t love to win? But a great boss knows that losing is important, too. Losing presents an opportunity to improve. It allows you to reevaluate and learn from the winners. Frankly, I don’t think Charlie Sheen will ever learn from his mistakes. He’ll be doing coke with his porn star goddesses for years to come. His love for winning could end up being his biggest corporate flaw.
So, is Mr. Sheen boss material? Let’s tally it up:
5 Pros – 5 Cons
Verdict: Blank Slate
Like I said, Charlie Sheen is a wild card. You never know what you’re gonna get. His guest appearance on Millionaire shows us that he is capable of making sound decisions, but his Good Morning America interview proves that he’s crazier than Britney Spears circa shaved-head era. Personally, I think he’d be a great boss if there were a guarantee he’d show up everyday as this guy: