Girl Scout Cookies Are the Devil


Greetings, fellow sheep.

As we sift through TPS reports, chain e-mails, and the inevitable Viagra pop-up ad, we frequently neglect that which is most important to us: our bodies.

I am the new Collared Sheep medical correspondent. Call me Dr. Day-Shift. I am here to offer you advice on health, sick day excuses, and hangover remedies.

Does this sweet, innocent girl want you to be fat? No, but think twice before answering.

I was on the phone with Von Kaiser tonight and he told me about being blindsided with two boxes of Tagalongs from a coworker who went on her diet after ordering the boxes. I asked him how many he ate: Seven.

I was appalled at the caloric intake. I was appalled at the saturated fat content. I was most appalled at his inability to keep the crumbs off his shirt. I was motivated to prevent further occurrences with the following information on why Girl Scout cookies are bad for the body and the loins.

Girls Scout cookies are delicious. This much is a certainty. However, the old dietitian motto is “What’s good for the palate is bad for the heart”.

Tagalongs pack a mean amount of calories, and have a very high amount of saturated fat. This low-fiber, high fat treat is perfect for such wondrous medical conditions as coronary artery disease, diverticulitis, and the metabolic syndrome. It is the humble opinion of this medical professional to avoid the little cookies entirely.

Grab some celery. Pinch an attractive co-worker on the booty. Do whatever it takes to avoid these delicious devils. But if you fail, as we all do from time to time, dip them in skim-milk. I just dipped mine in 2%.

And the guilt is killing me.

Cookie Cookies in a serving Calories in a serving Fat (g) per serving
Lemon Chalet Cremes 3 170 7
Trefoils 5 160 8
Do-si-dos 2 110 5
Samoas 2 150 8
Dulce de Leche 4 160 8
Thank You Berry Munch 2 120 5
Thin Mints 4 160 8
Tagalongs 2 140 9


If you want to support the Girl Scouts without packing in the calories, you can donate them to the troops. Do that.

Bryan Moore

Written by Bryan Moore

Dr. Bryan Moore is currently working as a resident in the Baltimore area. His focus is neurology. If you have questions about your health and how to be more health conscious in the workplace, e-mail us and we'll pass them along to Bryan.

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9 Responses to “Girl Scout Cookies Are the Devil”
  1. McFly says:

    Damnit. Now I want some samoas.

  2. Jared says:

    they are the best kind

  3. Von Kaiser says:

    Of course I ate the ones that are worst for you…I’d rank Tagalongs JUST behind Samoas. But I also feel you can eat more Tagalongs in one sitting than you can Samoas (too sweet, if that’s possible).

  4. Annie says:

    Grab some celery? Please leave the nutrition-related advice to someone who has taken more than 1 or 2 nutrition courses during their career.

  5. Celery says:

    I may not be as high in Vitamin K as spinach, but I’m a filling, low-calorie, cholesterol-free snack option!!! Sorry American Dietetic Association!!!!

  6. Patrice says:

    I love cookies. I will eat them until my thighs explode. Suck it Annie.

  7. […] easy to trust the Girl Scout Cookies order that comes around in the office. It’s the Girl Scouts, they can’t do any harm, […]

  8. Heidi says:

    I think I ate about seven boxes when I worked on a trading floor – 20 years ago. Back then I had the metabolism for it. Nowadays, I cross the street if I see a Girl Scout coming!

  9. Mike says:

    Given that Jack in the Box just introduced a limited edition 16 oz., 800 calorie bacon milkshake (not counting that burger and fries), GS cookies are relatively low on the scale in comparison, imho.


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  1. […] easy to trust the Girl Scout Cookies order that comes around in the office. It’s the Girl Scouts, they can’t do any harm, […]

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