Girl Scout Cookies Are the Devil
Greetings, fellow sheep.
As we sift through TPS reports, chain e-mails, and the inevitable Viagra pop-up ad, we frequently neglect that which is most important to us: our bodies.
I am the new Collared Sheep medical correspondent. Call me Dr. Day-Shift. I am here to offer you advice on health, sick day excuses, and hangover remedies.
Does this sweet, innocent girl want you to be fat? No, but think twice before answering.
I was on the phone with Von Kaiser tonight and he told me about being blindsided with two boxes of Tagalongs from a coworker who went on her diet after ordering the boxes. I asked him how many he ate: Seven.
I was appalled at the caloric intake. I was appalled at the saturated fat content. I was most appalled at his inability to keep the crumbs off his shirt. I was motivated to prevent further occurrences with the following information on why Girl Scout cookies are bad for the body and the loins.
Girls Scout cookies are delicious. This much is a certainty. However, the old dietitian motto is “What’s good for the palate is bad for the heart”.
Tagalongs pack a mean amount of calories, and have a very high amount of saturated fat. This low-fiber, high fat treat is perfect for such wondrous medical conditions as coronary artery disease, diverticulitis, and the metabolic syndrome. It is the humble opinion of this medical professional to avoid the little cookies entirely.
Grab some celery. Pinch an attractive co-worker on the booty. Do whatever it takes to avoid these delicious devils. But if you fail, as we all do from time to time, dip them in skim-milk. I just dipped mine in 2%.
And the guilt is killing me.
| Cookie | Cookies in a serving | Calories in a serving | Fat (g) per serving |
|---|---|---|---|
| Lemon Chalet Cremes | 3 | 170 | 7 |
| Trefoils | 5 | 160 | 8 |
| Do-si-dos | 2 | 110 | 5 |
| Samoas | 2 | 150 | 8 |
| Dulce de Leche | 4 | 160 | 8 |
| Thank You Berry Munch | 2 | 120 | 5 |
| Thin Mints | 4 | 160 | 8 |
| Tagalongs | 2 | 140 | 9 |
*Source: www.girlscoutcookies.org
If you want to support the Girl Scouts without packing in the calories, you can donate them to the troops. Do that.
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Damnit. Now I want some samoas.
they are the best kind
Of course I ate the ones that are worst for you…I’d rank Tagalongs JUST behind Samoas. But I also feel you can eat more Tagalongs in one sitting than you can Samoas (too sweet, if that’s possible).
Grab some celery? Please leave the nutrition-related advice to someone who has taken more than 1 or 2 nutrition courses during their career.
I may not be as high in Vitamin K as spinach, but I’m a filling, low-calorie, cholesterol-free snack option!!! Sorry American Dietetic Association!!!!
I love cookies. I will eat them until my thighs explode. Suck it Annie.
[...] easy to trust the Girl Scout Cookies order that comes around in the office. It’s the Girl Scouts, they can’t do any harm, [...]
I think I ate about seven boxes when I worked on a trading floor – 20 years ago. Back then I had the metabolism for it. Nowadays, I cross the street if I see a Girl Scout coming!
Given that Jack in the Box just introduced a limited edition 16 oz., 800 calorie bacon milkshake (not counting that burger and fries), GS cookies are relatively low on the scale in comparison, imho.