Corporate jargon has been popping up everywhere lately.

From sites like Unsuck-it.com to earning its own entry in Wikipedia, it seems that everybody enjoys making fun of the nonsense that makes their bosses feel special. But as secretaries we have no need to use phrases like “reinvent the wheel” or “shoot from the hip,” because we are not has-been frat boys from the 1990′s. Even so, why should we miss out on all the overly dramatic fun?

That being said, I’ve come up with a mind shower of secretarial-appropriate jargon for those of us unwilling to give it 110%:

“Make into a PDF”

Meaning: To scan up and down
Example: “Who’s that new perv in accounting? He made me into a PDF while I was getting a soda.”

“Draft-Stamp”

Meaning: To schedule tentatively
Example: “I draft-stamped a vacation day for tomorrow.”

“Put to Letterhead”

Meaning: To finalize
Example: “I draft-stamped a vacation day for tomorrow, hopefully I can put it to letterhead and hit the beach.”

“Transfer to Voice Mail”

Meaning: To ignore someone or something due to its annoying nature
Example: “I have this weird pain in my wrist that I’ve transferred to voice mail going on three weeks now. I hope it’s not carpal tunnel.”

“Request a Raise”

Meaning: To do something that yields no results
Example: “I’m so upset with this client who swore at me today, but crying about it is as good as requesting a raise. I think I’ll mail him some anthrax.”

“Signing for a Fed Ex”

Meaning: To take the blame
Example: “The caterer messed up lunch and somehow I’m the one signing for the Fed Ex. Bullshit.”

“Binder-Clipped”

Meaning: To be pressured into something
Example: “The caterer messed up lunch and now I’m being binder-clipped into signing for the Fed Ex. Bullshit.”

“To-be-Filed”

Meaning: Something to be accomplished in the next 5-10 years
Example: “Someday I’d like to get out of this place and maybe work with animals. It’s in my to-be-filed.”

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And so on and so on. If anybody can think of a way to jargonize Avery5160 or Pendaflex, please leave your comments below.