Last night I caught “Rob Dyrdeck’s Fantasy Factory”, another one of MTV’s finest educational shows. It’s the topic of this week’s Receptionist Chronicles for two reasons:

1. This office receptionist was watching cable! I know it’s weird to say that this day in age, but you’d be crazy if you think I could afford a cable bill on my meager salary in NYC. I’m not saying I date my boyfriend for his cable, but…

2. I realized that there is a receptionist lottery that exists out there, and I am not close to being a winner.

I couldn’t help but gravitate towards Chanel, Rob’s receptionist. Judging by her looks and her hip name alone, we know she didn’t desperately answer a job posting on careerbuilder.com. It’s safe to say that she was casted by MTV or has connected family friend. (Yikes, I can taste my bitterness). Side note, she’s also pursuing her rapping/singing/modeling career…duh.

In the episode, we learn that Rob is competing in the “Grilled Cheese Invitation World Championships” — which speaks for itself. He wants to show off his culinary skill by making the most expensive grilled cheese money can buy. He also decides to incoporate a side show as he griddles away. This includes costumes and cheerleading routine, thanks to Chanel and her friends.

After finishing his final touches, which includes a gold spray food coloring, Rob gives Chanel the first taste test. She responded to his $300 grilled cheese sandwich with, “Mmm. That’s amazing.” We see a shot of her mouth is oozing with cheese, and then she proceeds to perform a cheerleading routine.

No offense, but I didn’t see Chanel answer the phone once. What does Chanel have that I don’t? Lets chart it out…

Chanel	Office Receptionist
Over 80,000 Twitter followers	Pushing 200 Twitter followers
Blonde hair	Jet black hair
Blonde hair	A sense of humor
A famous, chill boss	A egotistical boss who works with famous people
“Rapping Receptionist”	“Crying Receptionist”
Profile on modelmayhem.com	Personally knowing the founder of modelmayhem.com
A spread in Maxim (chronicled next week’s episode)	The Hollywood option: Spreading my own legs
95 pounds	I can’t remember weighing 95 pounds.
Waist size: 24	The only thing 24 is on my body is my age
Eats $300 grilled cheese sandwich	Spending money for a month: $300
Cup Size: B	Cup Size: B

The last comparison in the chart proves that this receptionist lottery is unfair. It’s always a given that girls with big boobs always have faster moving careers. But Chanel and me? Come on now, we are both B’s!

It’s my turn to win the receptionist lottery. If you’re reading this, Chanel, you need to surrender and stop calling yourself a receptionist. Or else I’m going to challenge you to a rap battle.