Amidst whispered words of encouragement from conference call participants, the first corporate jargon of the new year was quietly welcomed into the world by Boartman Consulting Project Manager.
After twenty-five minutes in front of the gift card display at her local Stop & Shop, Annabeth Miller is still undecided on which shitty $5 gift cards to purchase her coworkers for Christmas. “My cube neighbor, Jim, he never has time for lunch,” said Miller. “So I thought I could get him one to McDonald’s. [...]
Since November 1st, I’ve noticed some people on Facebook doing a countdown where they list one thing that they’re thankful for each day until Thanksgiving. That is all very positive and nice, but since I know that nobody cares if I’m thankful that I will be long dead before artificial intelligence enslaves the human race, [...]
No work on my screen. Stabbing mouse pad with a pen. Hi boss. Good timing.
Bickman-Bergmeyer employee, Daryl Pitman, 47, died yesterday after a failed attempt at grabbing the low-hanging fruit. “It was just so sad,” said Administrative Assistant, Donna Carr. “We all saw it happen. Our boss, Larry, had just gotten through telling us that in these tough economic times we need to go after the low-hanging fruit. The [...]
I couldn’t help but laugh when I noticed that National Boss Day (Sunday, October 16th) was listed on my Dunkin Donuts calendar as “National Boss Day Observed,” on Monday, October 17th. I know that a calendar that commemorates Cream Filled Donut Day and Croissant Day (I’m lookin’ at you January 30th) should not be taken [...]
Finally, along comes a study showing that something once thought bad (albeit by upper managment) is actually good.
I take you now to the best portrayal of an administrative assistant currently on television – April Ludgate from Parks & Recreation. If you are looking for a lazy, deadpan, apathetic, role model, April is your girl.
It’s a treadmill! It’s a desk! It’s a treadmill desk! It’s over two thousand dollars! And much to my dismay, this ridiculous looking piece of office furniture actually receives rave reviews all across the Internet. It’s like nobody has realized they should be making fun of it. To remedy the situation, I’ve made up (and [...]
Whistles of relief could be heard throughout the offices of Crenshaw & Bick when Walter Gatch, 57, presumed dead at his desk since Monday morning, was found alive by janitorial staff. “When he didn’t blow the smell of burnt Pop Tarts all over the office this morning, I went by his cubicle to check on [...]
Everybody seems to be coming up with a list of ways to “survive the summer” while being stuck in a cubicle. And since I am a) stuck in a cubicle, and b) totally okay with stealing other people’s ideas, I present you with a list of my own: 1. Avoid the Facebook News Feed If [...]
Not a single employee of Burke & Wagner, P.C. has bothered to complete their timesheet before leaving for the day, resulting in a potentially serious tear in the space-time continuum.
If you’re a fan of The Office, you surely know about the management manual Michael Scott cleverly called “Somehow I Manage.” You can actually read a few extremely short chapters of “Somehow I Manage” (and by chapters I mean paragraphs) on NBC’s website. I was reminded of this is because I was in my boss’s [...]
