You know by now that I love sharing stories about the crazies that walk into my office. Between the NYC ground messengers, pretentious clients and tourists on a mission to find the non- existent art gallery, free entertainment finds me on the regular. It never really dawned on me that something seriously fatal could happen at work until I typed “receptionist” into the Google News search field (I can have narcissistic moments). Just looking at this headline “Man charged with strangling receptionist held on bond” alone is enough to ask “what if?”

Months ago I sent my comrades at The Collared Sheep a picture of the security camera in my office. Instead of monitoring the hard working lives of employees at the company, there is only one camera – monitoring the dishwasher. The presence of the camera was all was laughs and giggles until I learned it didn’t really work, and it was my responsibility to clean up after everyone else.

Since having a security back up is out of the budget, I’ve been proactive about forming a plan. Here are my options:

1. Take out the attacker with my athleticism

Considering I played soccer for just 30 minutes this past weekend and my body is covered with bruises and aches, this might be a fail. However, they do say in panic your body runs on adrenaline. After all, I did win the “Most Athletic” superlative and “MVP” in JV soccer in high school.

2. Keep a permanent FedEx fortress

My favorite FedEx man was even in awe (and disdain) when he came into the office and saw this. Every single person that walked by the desk that day had their own two cents about the ridiculousness. I can’t think of anything more secure.

3. If I see someone threatening, ICE them

Bros Icing Bros is losing its hype, but everyone knows its worse not to follow through with an ICE than to commit a felony.

4. See if my new Droid Incredible is truly incredible

If my Droid was everything the commercials say it is, it would turn into a Transformer and protect me from all that’s bad in the world.

5. Politely hand over my paycheck

When the attacker learns that he/she could robbing a 7-Eleven in the middle of the night to earn the same amount of money (plus a Slurpee!), the lesson will go without saying anything else.

Related Posts

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2. 
   
   A Crazy Idea Results in Lots of Work (By Others)
3. 
   
   5 Ways to Reject a Coworker’s Advances

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