5 Ways to Reject a Coworker’s Advances
It doesn’t matter if you’re hot or haggard. If you have a job a coworker is going to hit on you. It is one of the fundamental rules of nature. Most of the time, you’re not going to be interested. In fact, you might be oblivious to many of the come-ons. However, once friendly advances (frequent cubicle visits, lunch invites) become more physical (creepy surprise neck massages, awkward side hugs), it’s time to figure out an efficient and painless getaway plan.
Here are 5 ways to reject a coworker’s advances:
1. Let him or her know you are seeing someone.
Pros: This can work even if you are single. It is quick and easy and functions as an immediate stop sign.
Cons: Some pursuers will see your partner as a challenge. Your pursuer may ask questions about your relationship and if you are single, this could pose problems. If lying is not your forte, you could potentially stir up a ridiculous tale about a neurologist named Juan who rides a Ninja and teaches kickboxing on weekends. If you do have a partner, your pursuer may take the opportunity to Facebook stalk him or her and compete by becoming even pushier.
2. File sexual harassment charges.
Pros: If your pursuer is in fact guilty of sexual harassment this can put a stop those uncomfortable shoulder rubs and pick up lines.
Cons: While this method may solve the immediate problem, it could also result in more serious problems. If your pursuer is well-liked by others in the workplace, you could create some enemies. If your boss schedules you on opposite days, you may see a decrease in your hours. Wondering what falls under the category of sexual harassment? This website will give you some clues.
*Note: Never file a false complaint. That’s just wrong.
3. Play the Walk to Remember card.
If you’ve seen the movie you know that Mandy Moore’s character is dying of some sort of terminal cancer and she refuses to get close to anyone because of it. You are probably not dying of terminal cancer, but they don’t have to know that. Playing sick doesn’t just get you out of school anymore.
Pros: Most people will be willing to give you your personal space. Additionally, you might receive some nice flowers and sympathy cards.
Cons: Besides the fact that this is super immoral, your pursuer may be emotionally touched by your story and seek to nurse you back to health. If/When your coworkers get word, you’ll have some explaining to do… like why the heck would you be at work when you’re dying? You should be spending time with family!
4. Start Acting Crazy
Start referring to your pursuer by obnoxious pet names like “Kitty-Face-Pooh-Bear” and “Mr. Cuddle-wuddles”. Maybe make your pursuer find out you eat your boogers or have a dead animal fetish.
Pros: This method is 99% effective and will freak the s**t out of your pursuer. It can also be quite fun if you’ve never really broken out of your shell.
Cons: You might get fired and your reputation will definitely be tarnished.
5. Eat a lot of garlic… and onions… and tuna salad….
Pretty self-explanatory. For an advanced take on this move, spit when you talk.
Pros: Your pursuer will find it nearly impossible to talk to you.
Cons: Your breath really will smell bad. You’ll need to keep up the bad breath habits until your pursuer finally backs down. This could be anywhere from days to months.
None of these methods are fool-proof, but they are anywhere from 90-99% effective. But, you could always find a decent paying work-from-home job.