5 “Steven Slaters” I Want to Pull at Work
There’s what we say. There’s what we think. And then there is Steven Slater. And if you’re curious what follows him: “Balloon boy” parents.
If you haven’t read the buzz yet about the most epic person flight attendant history, take a break from your spreadsheet and get inspired. His name is about to become a verb.
Just to catch you up speed: While working a JetBlue flight, Slater jumped on the intercom and had a profanity-laced meltdown after a scuffle with a passenger. He proceeded to grab some beers, escape on the inflatable chute, remove his company tie, return home in his car, have a booty call, be caught during the booty call, get arrested, and come out smiling.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yes, exactly, Why didn’t I think of that???
In this digital age, this dude is going to be set for life. My guess is that Mr. Slater’s charges will be knocked down to a fine and that he will never have to work another day in his life. The jealously is so strong on my end, I’m about to have a meltdown, too.
On a side note:
Can anyone blame him? Is anyone honestly surprised? The service industry (and all overworked/underpaid jobs) actually encourages you to repress frustrations for customers and coworkers all for the sake of the company, but never teaches you how to deal with your true feelings. It’s hard to say if there is a solution other than hope you never meet the day of your boiling point.
So, in honor of Steven Slater: The 5 things that I wish I had the balls to do in my office:
1. Put a rude caller on the hold that contains George Carlin’s famous 7 words in a creepy kid-like sing-along tune – while I go first read and then watch the Lord of the Rings triology. And then learn Chinese.
2. “TO THE PERSON WHOSE NAME SOUNDS LIKE AN STD, YOU’D THINK BEING POLITE IS A SURVIVAL TECHNIQUE.”
3. Set off military grade stink bombs around the office, and yell, “THIS PLACE STINKS” – and escape on the kitchen window with my hang-glider.
4. Send out an e-mail saying, “It’s been a pleasure working with you all” with Steven Slater’s newly released porno embedded with an auto-play (come on, we all know it’s coming).
5. Ask David Copperfield to replace my body for the Statue of Liberty. This statue will be programed to continuously say, “Thanks, but no thanks” so all of New York can hear me.