5 Reasons Why You Don’t Want to be the First in the Office with an iPad

If you’ve been living under a rock lately, you may have missed Steve Jobs recently announcing the new Apple iPad. It’s big, its bright, and it’ll be very tempting to snatch one up pronto. Before you race off to become the first in your office with one, consider waiting on that purchase for a little while. Here’s why:

1

People are still associating it with feminine products.
We’d guess at least 60% of comedians are making these kind of jokes right now. They’ll eventually go away. Considering we try to keep our head low at work, strutting in with an iPad right now will draw major attention, along with a verbal lashing or two, courtesy of your coworkers.

Don't leave home without it ladies.

Don’t be surprised when you’re heckled with jokes like these:

“I’m holding out for the iPad 2.0 … it comes with ‘wings’.”

“Is the 64-gig variety referred to as the “heavy” version?”

“If I order one, will my boyfriend and I have to worry if it comes late?”

“If the whole office buys one, will they sync up?”
2

There will be a better, cheaper version out in 17 minutes.
Isn’t this SOP with technology? Didn’t they come out with an iPhone like $8,000 cheaper 14 days after the first iPhone? OK — we know v2.0 doesn’t come out in the blink of an eye, but we think it might be worth waiting a few weeks to see if there are any major bugs, functional shortcomings, or reduced price offers.

Talk about a bargain!
3

Ralph Lauren hasn’t made the man-purse fashionably office appropriate yet.
Many of Apple’s products can be considered fashion accessories, but the iPad is a fashion statement. Think about it: the iPod and iTouch fit in a pocket. The iPad unfortunately requires a man-purse for protection. Are you really considering rolling up to work with an accessory that puts your manhood in question? How well do you think the iPhone would have sold if you transported it in a wrist-let or clutch? For $800, you can instead outfit yourself with a whole new set of office-safe Polos, and the last thing people will be saying is “Why the hell doesn’t Steve have an iPad with matching purse?”

No, you don't have to get it in purple.
4

Everyone will want to use it.
If your coworkers want to use it so bad, they can go hang out in the sardine can known as the Apple Store. Or they can order one. It’s flu season, and I don’t want your nasty hands all over my brand new, state-of-the art electronic equipment. So, no, you can’t use it. But feel free to watch me use it, and be jealous.

I just got the new Swine Flu App. You know, the one where your iPad gives you flu…from a pig.
5

You risk stereotyping yourself as an iFreak.
Don’t misunderstand, we think Apple products are legit — we’re just not willing to sleep on the sidewalk to get one. Frankly, we find people who are super psyched up (Read: Waiting in insane lines for Apple products) annoying. So if you’re the first in the office with an iPad, make sure you’re OK with being typecast as the office iFreak. And if you’re doing that, find a nice scarf to wear around the office all day and start brewing Chai tea at your desk. Do you really want to be that guy? Didn’t think so…

I absolutely HAVE to be the first with an iPad – is there an app for that?